This is great, Nelson. You’ve explained your idea well, and used a supporting quotation.
The next steps are in three areas:
1) language analysis: the quote you chose is a good one, clearly identifying fate through the use of the metaphor of “the stars”. To develop your answer you would want to explain how this metaphor works – if you’re not sure of this, then have a look back at the presentations recorded on the class site.
2) written expression: instead of saying “self-explanatory”, I encourage you to be more clear. If something is truly self-explanatory, then you wouldn’t need to explain it. I suggest that instead you say something like. “Shakespeare refers to fate directly through the metaphorical language of his characters”, or “Shakespeare even has his characters make direct reference to fate”.
3) your quotation: it is slightly mis-quoted, which is a big error in literary analysis.
The amendments are a good start at implementing my suggestions.
Another piece of input is about writing style. A simple way to increase the confidence conferred by your writing is to delete phrases like “I think” or “I believe” – and instead allow your ideas to stand alone, on the strength of your argument and the evidence you’ve provided to support them.
Good going, Nelson. I’m looking forward to your on-going development of this writing.
November 9, 2012 at 9:23 pm
This is great, Nelson. You’ve explained your idea well, and used a supporting quotation.
The next steps are in three areas:
1) language analysis: the quote you chose is a good one, clearly identifying fate through the use of the metaphor of “the stars”. To develop your answer you would want to explain how this metaphor works – if you’re not sure of this, then have a look back at the presentations recorded on the class site.
2) written expression: instead of saying “self-explanatory”, I encourage you to be more clear. If something is truly self-explanatory, then you wouldn’t need to explain it. I suggest that instead you say something like. “Shakespeare refers to fate directly through the metaphorical language of his characters”, or “Shakespeare even has his characters make direct reference to fate”.
3) your quotation: it is slightly mis-quoted, which is a big error in literary analysis.
Hope this helps.
Righto!
Mr Waugh
November 12, 2012 at 1:14 pm
The amendments are a good start at implementing my suggestions.
Another piece of input is about writing style. A simple way to increase the confidence conferred by your writing is to delete phrases like “I think” or “I believe” – and instead allow your ideas to stand alone, on the strength of your argument and the evidence you’ve provided to support them.
Good going, Nelson. I’m looking forward to your on-going development of this writing.
CW
November 13, 2012 at 9:00 pm
When I see you in class, ask me over to discuss the next step – which is in the area of writing style, but I would like to talk it through.
CW